Keeping Up with the Jonzee

Naw...you still at the right spot.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Grateful

God puts people in your life, your way, your line of sight for a reason. I know this in my heart and soul. I have documented the many times in my head that it has happened, and been amazed at the opportunities that have arisen in some seemingly stressful moments. And in my case some seemingly over-analytical moments.

Last night, I met the OG-my good friends closest girlfriend coming up--from pacifers to PBR. I have heard many a story about the woman over the years and watched the far away look in my girl's eyes everytime she started to wonder why one day OG straight walked out of her life. Being the type that doesn't let folks back in, I was happy to hear that she and the OG were kicking it again.

After I met her, I could see why they were so close. It's hard to sit around and listen to stories about old times that are way funnier to those who where there than to you, the newbie to the group. But, as I listened I completely understood there bond and became endeared with the OG (she deemed me the New G so there it is)who point-blank told me that "we are girls now, like it or not." and it didn't even bother me. She has a big loving heart. Freely admits her errors in judgement, and I think has enough love to help my girl dissipate the hard shell of bitterness that is engulfing her spirit.

While I am happy about all of that, what I am grateful for is that last night, she was the person, who knowing me only for a couple hours over Bourbon and Beer, told me all of what I needed to hear and be reminded of.

Of what she said, what she told me about love was the most daunting. It brought me full circle to a conversation I had with SoWise on Monday. The need to let go of my ultimate defense mechanism. She took my hand, looked me in the eye and said, "T is a good, supportive man, who absolutely and totally believes and has faith in you. But, your doubts and nitpicking will destroy it."

When she said that, it jolted the memory of how it felt when he was here last weekend. Boy, don't you know when that man left my house and went back up top, I couldn't sleep, I cried, and I listened to all the sad joints on Alicia Key's latest record. I knew then that I don't ever want him to go. It was the first time that I realized how mean and evil I could be, and how at some point he might just say "to hell with it". But when the OG put it like that, it confirmed for me that I need to "cut the bullshit, ASAP".

In the end, she said much of what I already knew, but the way she put it jolted a need for action. So, we'll see how I play without my defense.

2 Comments:

  • At 12:03 PM, Blogger YAZMAR said…

    you know what...
    this is my first time coming thru
    but I gotta tell ya...i appreciate the commentary...
    for real!!

     
  • At 8:07 PM, Blogger Epsilonicus said…

    I had an ex destroy a relationship because of her defenses. At some point, you just got to let go.

     

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