Keeping Up with the Jonzee still at the right spot.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Guess who loves you more...

My girl just told me that she finally finalized the divorce with her soon to be ex-husband after nearly two years.

Last year, my best friend informed that she was seeking a divorce from her husband.

They have a lot in common. So much so that it is eerie. Long story. I will make it short. High school sweethearts. The girls went away to school. The dudes followed. While the girls were in school, the dudes were sort of working (and sort of selling weed). The girls both leave the first schools (shout out to FAM and the real HU) and move to other cities. The dudes follow. Before the girls can get it together to re-enroll in school--they get summertime pregnant. The boys stay and they get married. The boys get jobs and keep on the hunt for better and better jobs. They get married and struggle. The girls manage to finish school with straight A's.(one has another baby while in school and still finishes in 5 years with straight a's in Science of all things) The boys start going to school, continue to struggle with the job thing. The girls keep pursuing the dreams they had when in high school--one doctor other lawyer. The boys slack...they start and stop school. They start hanging out. They become verbally abusive. They start hanging out with folks around the neighborhood. The girls keep the goal train moving.

Now, they end in divorce.

Both girls are Catholic. Try until it is more than impossible or you die ( I also have this particular view of marriage) And that is what both women did. They tried. They sought counseling. They started a date night thing. They created alternate work schedules so folks could study or rest and the children would still get the attention they needed (both sets have fantastic supersmart children) Yet, it would be great for a few months and then it would get worse than it had ever been before.

Both walked away after more than two years of trying to fix it. It became apparent that only one person was working at it. The girls continue to do their thing, and the boys have become dead beat dads (and they were great dads too--I dont get that.) My best friend is starting her PhD in viral immunology and buying a house. My other friend just finished law school. And both are in relationships with men who celebrate their success, love their children, and are supportive.

But there is a third scenario, that is more disheartening then the divorces of two women I truly admire. The woman who won't leave though it is clear, that dude is a dick, to put it nicely.

Same initial scenario--insert three kids and minus a grad degree. Nevertheless, the girl has a fantastic job, her kids are well adjusted, behaved, and smart. The brother has a job (this week, cause the man is always trying to keep him down.), is more than likely cheating on her, and does next to nothing for the children. Yet, she won't tell the nigga to get to stepping.

I've never been married, and I have watched alot of people be miserably married for 15 years or greater. But someone long married recently told me that some marriages that are on the rocks are sort of like being in a relationship with a person with an addiction problem--the other person is not ready to admit there is an issue and when you know your spouse as intimately as you do in marriage--you are the best judge of if and when it can improve. I don't know if I buy that. But then again, I have never been married.

Marriage is a conundrum to me. For instance, is a two year attempt to fix something that is supposed to last forever, sufficient? Or is it better to stick around? Is sticking around working at something when the other person is not doing their part ever going to work--is that what is meant by "better or worse"?

What say you?


  • At 7:56 PM, Blogger ManNMotion said…

    All this talk about divorce reminds me that I'm still single, but have a great job.

    Your friend is right, bad relationships can absolutely be addictions. Check out and their tips section. I read it and it was a real eye opener on why people do what they do.

  • At 3:31 PM, Blogger Oscar In Louisville said…

    Well, one thing that would help is if couples learned how to fight fair - clearing the air helps to maintain healthy relationships. Now if you're married to a trifling fool (Nabal, anyone?), pray for David to show up on the scene...


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