The North and South

I have one sibling. My brother is 23, and we, in many ways, are more different than any two siblings could be, although we look just alike. Lately, I have been very worried about him and the road he is traveling. Its not like he's a drug addict or something. But in some ways he's wasting his potential just as much.

For most of our lives, we have had a love/hate relationship. He has a horrendous temper because he is very sensitive. While I,too, have a red-hot temper, I know how out of control it can get, so I am instead very non-chalant, sometimes to the point of pissing people off. He's a pices. I'm a leo. He's the water that tries to put out my fire.

As children, I often tried to torture him mentally. I loved to make him cry when he was a wee tike. Yeah, it was horribly cruel, but I admit I took a great deal of joy from it. It seemed to me that we were at war. I felt like he was Ma's favorite. Whenever she was mad at me, he became even more her running buddy. I was left to be Daddy's girl (pop and I bump head's as I am "Dean's Daughter") and that made me resent him.

Then I grew up, and though he still catches an attitude out of nowhere, and can get snippy over nothing, he and I are much closer than we used to be. He calls me to chat. We hang out. But he is hell bent on doing stupid shit. It pisses me off. Smetimes he calls and all I give him is five minutes.

Clearly, moving back to Cleveland from New York, where we had finally settled and had established roots, affected us both in very different ways. I hated it and left as soon as they said "Congratulations Class of 1995". My brother had to endure the strange looks and comments about his accent and musical taste alot longer than me. He had to deal with the "he's not black enough" because of the rainbow hue of his various friends. I only had to deal for a year. He had to endure for 8. I guess when he got to Sophmore year, he just gave in. More of his friends became "the do-nothings". He barely got out of high school, and even though he got into school out of town he decided to stay here. The neat dressing, always ironed (see opposites...if it has to be ironed, its the last thing I wear) boy who listened to the same hip-hop artists his sister liked, has turned into a white tee and baggie jean boy, who bumps P and Lil' Wayne and them.

Clearly, we have chosen quite different ways of moving through life. I have dated some brothers who deserved a lot less of my time. although I bitch about being single sometimes, I still won't settle. My brother is the prototype for growing old in Cleveland--shack up'cause its better than being single.

This relationship he is in now, is by far the most idiotic thing he has ever done. She's 22 with three kids, one of whom she is not sure who the baby's daddy is. She is mean as hell--the epitome of the angry black woman stereotype. She screams on each of the boys--the oldest the most, and is only somewhat nurturing to the baby. She aint got no job, and because she has not found one yet, the state took away her daycare bene's. My brother, bless is poor dumb-ass heart, is now supporting them all.

The other day she was hospitalized for an ectopic pregnancy(yes, my brother was almost a daddy--surprise surprise!) and had to have a fallopian tube removed. After telling me he was thinking about leaving her, Monday he says that he feels bad for her and is going to stay.

I am heart-broken.

I am at a total loss.

And there is nothing I can do about it.