So, I lied

I said I was going to not talk about it. But its weighing so heavy on my mind. I am passed the sad phase, and I am almost passed the "conjecture/guessing" phase. But now I am entering the "mad as hell phase".

You want to know why I'm mad? Let me tell you why I am mad?

See, this the thing, long distance has in no way been easy on me. I have never been faithful. Ever. Every dude I ever dated, when they started to get on my nerves, or I was getting bored, or I simply didn't feel like being bothered(but didn't want to be alone either), I always had someone on the side--an ex, a bootie call, a friend who I knew was trying to get it.

But not him. I even turned down the advances of the "sort-of-ex 7 years of bullshit" dude. Not once but twice. So, see I made progress in the name of love.

I live 200 miles away and could do whatever the hell I want and he would be none the wiser. But I have not.

I have thought about ending it on many occassions. Not because I don't love him, but because long distance is a bitch. But, I was never afraid to talk about it. I was never afraid to say this sucks big time.

But you don't just get to shut down cause you can't deal. That, right there is bullshit. Especially after all we have done with and for each other. Its bullshit.

Perhaps, it could have been fixed. Perhaps, it could have been more visits not less. Shit, Bmore and Jersey aint that far. But it can't be when you think you have the right to stop communicating.

I deserve more. I deserve the conversation. From what I have known from him, he is a man of his word. But then again maybe I don't--and this conversation will never actually occur.

But like I said before, the game ain't changed and the 80/20 rule still applies. So, I hope whoever the chick is she is doing it for him better than I clearly could.

Now. There. I am done.