Keeping Up with the Jonzee still at the right spot.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Maybe I should get pregnant?

Cleveland is not a singles town. It certainly does not seem like a town for a girl who is not ready to loc and "rocks rough and stuff..." I swear, 'e-erbody and they mama is married or shacked up--with chir'ren. And it seems, not neccessarily happily so. I am about to be 29 and within the last week I have gotten more "oh, po' chile" looks from folk in my life around here. Why? Because I am single and don't have children yet.

I would expect it from married folk my age. But not 23 and 24 year old wives and baby mama's.

Let me give you an example of the state of what seems to be ther norm around these parts.

First, there are the "married the moment I left college" bunch. They are 22-24 with big rings, new houses, and one (but usually more than one)child--the whole nine. I'm not knocking marrying the one you love-especially if you know they are the one. I am knocking not fully figuring out who you are before you do it, because lots of them are divorced by 30. You can't tell me that out of 1.75 million people in the metro area--most of the young folk are way ahead of the love and marriage learning curve.

Lots of these women that I have met have been married two years or less. They are already complaining about the strain of child rearing, how their husband wants to go hang out with the boys, how they would go back to school for a higher degree, but "they husband (not child mind you)need them". These ladies, many of whom only experienced independence in college, (and more than likely were attached to someone the whole time) look at me like--"poor thing--when are you going to grow up and get married." Like, having a kid and getting married equate grown up status.

Then there is the other set. They say, screw getting married...they just get pregnant--more than once. They got drama with baby-daddy and drama with they mama 'cause she won't baby sit all the time. And some of them cuss at their children like the children are grown-ass men. They, too, look at me like I ain't a woman 'cause I am childless.

I guess I am in the middle, with a lot of other folk. Not married, no children But we are a nation of extremists and the extremes are much more interesting--if only because they are a lot more vocal. Married early pregnant early--Maury and them eat that shit up.

Saturday night, both groups were live and in effect at this bar I went to. Yes. It was a neighborhood bar--but it is in uppity buppity Shaker Heights, where some black folks to bougie to a whole new level...

So imagine my surprise! Almost every single chick in there was a baby mama or the wife of some dude that they were pissed at, or out with hubby but he had clearly drag her there. Most of them were drunk and cussing like a sailor (yeah, I have never heard such constant foul language as I have heard here. YOU DON"T EVER WANT TO GET CUSSED OUT BY A WOMAN FROM CLEVELAND!) They made me, who likes the use of good cuss word, blush and shit. Every single one screaming about "they kids and they no good baby dady". And the dudes were eating 'em up like pigs to slop--getting and giving numbers left and right. I heard men here were thirsty, but DAMN! What?? Is this why my brother lives with an evil-ass 22 year old girl with three kids? Is that what you do here? Get knocked up and hope for marriage. Or get married and hope to get knocked up ASAP?

And this is not some culturally specific thing either. But the mid-west can be pretty isolating. However, I think it might also be a thing that happens whereever folk are isolated from larger groups of people. Wherever folks just stay in the neighborhood, in their city, in their state. I mean their are girls in NY who don't go to let alone date anyone from another borough.

But I still feel like the Rust Belt got the marriage/shack up thing on lock.

The single people seem to go into hiding. And the ones who are out seem to have more than one kid and some drama with babymama happening.

Its just the next logical thing to do, I guess. Have kids, get married or get married, have kids. Should have took that brother up on the marriage offer at 22. Perhaps I am now cursed? Not...well maybe by some Cleveland standard I am.

Even in my own family, I am the super anomoly. My aunt--married at 23 to her high school sweet heart (after being first married at 19) 3 kids (trying to find herself now) My mom and dad-married at 23-2 kids (i was born to the day one year later. Mom-trying to get her independence back after ending her career to IBM with PoP), My grandparents-married at 23. Shall I go on? Yeah, now I got my aunt asking me if I ever plan on having kids and don't I want a husband.

All I gotta say is, GTFOHWTB. But a sista would like a couple more dates, though.


  • At 5:50 PM, Blogger Chosen said…

    Girl please, take your time and enjoy the fact that you are smart enough to analyze the whole thing with some sense. Enjoy learning you and figuring out what you want first. Do some things ofr yourself--take a cruise, travel--buy your own house, etc, etc.

  • At 8:38 PM, Blogger Jonzee said…

    Yeah...that was what I was thinking. I cant even imagine what a mess I would have been if I was married or pregnant at such a young age.

    But one does notice the pressure from others.

  • At 2:35 AM, Blogger DP said…

    marital bliss is NOT an inevitable state of being.

    it is a goal...which is usually brought about by planning and divine providence and hard work.


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