Why so Bitter, Brotha?
Okay, you know some folks are always going on and on about the Bitter(substitute angry if you prefer) Black Woman. I have heard more than a few brothers say that they can't deal with sisters because of this so-called phenomenon. While I do believe that such a phenomenon is running rampant amongst many sisters, this is not a "Sistahs only event". No sir! It seems there are number of cool brothers out there that are not having any more luck in love then some of the ladies . While this might be because all the sudden so many men get to thirty and decide it is time to go sit down somewhere, some brothers just want to find love and are longing for it. They too, are losing faith that it exists.
As matter of fact, yesterday evening I got to see the Bitter Brother Network in action. This so very nice, attractive, highly intelligent brother who is everything I prayed for has begun to lose his faith in finding true love. This brother who knows the wedding songs he wants played at his wedding, is on the verge of saying 'fug it. I was shocked and appalled when I realized that "bitter brother" may have found a a new home. I don't even know if I can crack the shell that is forming on this one.
After the story, I heard last night. I could see why. The one big reason is because muufuccas are trifling. Let me recount the story for you.
Last week, the Teacher was at the neighborhood watering hole when he saw a woman he dated a few years back. She had recently returned from her wedding in the Caribbean and decided to go have a couple of drinks with her friends. Her husband had to go out of town for work. She runs into the Teacher. They about the wedding, the new house they are buying, and her husband. She even breaks out some wedding pictures. They have an enjoyable conversation, and he is happy that this woman who he admires has been blessed with marriage.
Then the bullshit happens. The Teacher goes into the kitchen to make something to eat. In walks the woman. She wraps her arms around him and tries to go for gold. She says to him "I been think about this ever since I sat down next to you tonight." He is flabbergasted. He assumes she may have had too much to drink and gently reminds her that she is recently married and suggest that maybe he should have someone drive her home. She indicates that marriage has nothing to do with what she is trying to make happen with the teacher and his 'friend'. Incensed, he turns around and walks away.
As much as I wondered if this was an isolated incident. When I later talk to him about it, he says it has happened more than once to him. Some were women he dated. Others were the girlfriends of guys he had made acquaintance with. With incredulity, I ask him if he was overreaches. To further emphasize his point, he then has some of his friends, tell me their personal "Say whuh? Pump the brakes" stories. I heard stories about girls who offered various and a sundry sexual favors though they were married, engaged, or in serious relationship. I heard stuff that made me understand why some nice guys just have given up.
Yet, what he may not have realized, as he had his friends tell me their stories, is that all of the dudes were visibly in love with the woman they were with. They beamed at the mere mention of the womans' names. The stories to them the "pump your brakes" tales were mere stories about crazy crap that happened. Not a manifesto of what is to come in love. As they saw it, if it was easy to meet the woman you are meant to be with than it would not be so special. To them the possibility of love was far to wonderful to let them be deterred from seeking it out, trifling muufuuccas or not. Maybe, subconciously, that is why he pointed me to them.
I am of the firm mindset that bitterness will kill you. I feel like the Teacher's friends feel. It takes some faith and some resolve to believe that one day you will be blessed with love so grand that you won't care about the bull that happened with trifling folk. It takes the recognition that failure is inevitable if you are to find love and grow in love.
Lord willing, the bitterness will not take firm hold of the teacher. I'm praying for him. He is far to good of a man not to find love and bliss.
As matter of fact, yesterday evening I got to see the Bitter Brother Network in action. This so very nice, attractive, highly intelligent brother who is everything I prayed for has begun to lose his faith in finding true love. This brother who knows the wedding songs he wants played at his wedding, is on the verge of saying 'fug it. I was shocked and appalled when I realized that "bitter brother" may have found a a new home. I don't even know if I can crack the shell that is forming on this one.
After the story, I heard last night. I could see why. The one big reason is because muufuccas are trifling. Let me recount the story for you.
Last week, the Teacher was at the neighborhood watering hole when he saw a woman he dated a few years back. She had recently returned from her wedding in the Caribbean and decided to go have a couple of drinks with her friends. Her husband had to go out of town for work. She runs into the Teacher. They about the wedding, the new house they are buying, and her husband. She even breaks out some wedding pictures. They have an enjoyable conversation, and he is happy that this woman who he admires has been blessed with marriage.
Then the bullshit happens. The Teacher goes into the kitchen to make something to eat. In walks the woman. She wraps her arms around him and tries to go for gold. She says to him "I been think about this ever since I sat down next to you tonight." He is flabbergasted. He assumes she may have had too much to drink and gently reminds her that she is recently married and suggest that maybe he should have someone drive her home. She indicates that marriage has nothing to do with what she is trying to make happen with the teacher and his 'friend'. Incensed, he turns around and walks away.
As much as I wondered if this was an isolated incident. When I later talk to him about it, he says it has happened more than once to him. Some were women he dated. Others were the girlfriends of guys he had made acquaintance with. With incredulity, I ask him if he was overreaches. To further emphasize his point, he then has some of his friends, tell me their personal "Say whuh? Pump the brakes" stories. I heard stories about girls who offered various and a sundry sexual favors though they were married, engaged, or in serious relationship. I heard stuff that made me understand why some nice guys just have given up.
Yet, what he may not have realized, as he had his friends tell me their stories, is that all of the dudes were visibly in love with the woman they were with. They beamed at the mere mention of the womans' names. The stories to them the "pump your brakes" tales were mere stories about crazy crap that happened. Not a manifesto of what is to come in love. As they saw it, if it was easy to meet the woman you are meant to be with than it would not be so special. To them the possibility of love was far to wonderful to let them be deterred from seeking it out, trifling muufuuccas or not. Maybe, subconciously, that is why he pointed me to them.
I am of the firm mindset that bitterness will kill you. I feel like the Teacher's friends feel. It takes some faith and some resolve to believe that one day you will be blessed with love so grand that you won't care about the bull that happened with trifling folk. It takes the recognition that failure is inevitable if you are to find love and grow in love.
Lord willing, the bitterness will not take firm hold of the teacher. I'm praying for him. He is far to good of a man not to find love and bliss.
posted by Jonzee @ 1:39 PM
3 Comments:
At 9:20 PM,
Anonymous said…
Good to see that you two are still in communication after your last post. Anyway, I think that you jsut need to give it some time. I'm almost 100% sure that he is going to visit you a few times while you're in NYC. Just take that time to show him the type of woman you are the love that lives in your heart.....
At 5:27 PM,
Athanasius said…
I could easily write a book on the life of a Bitta Brotha - been there, done that, still struggling to a degree. There is a way to fix some bitter folk, but you have to discern whether or not they are fixable, and that is much easier said than done. Essentially, you have to love the bitternes out of them, and you do that by loving them in their particular love language. If he's digging you then you can "fix" him, but the key is that you have to do what you do for his sake, not to make him into what you want him to be. You don't seem to be taking that perspective so it's probably not an issue in this instance, but the disclaimer needs to be stated.
Point being, find out what has put the biggest smiles on his face, find out when he has felt most loved and discern from there what his love language is: words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, gifts, or quality time. Once you make that determination then love him in that language until his cup runs over.
That's how you can help him kill Bitta Brotha.
At 9:53 PM,
So...Wise...Sista said…
I was just talking about this today. It's a bitter cycle...dudes and women wreak havoc in their younger years...so by the time we're ready to settle down...many of us are jaded and bitter. I say it's karma. lol
But it's also good to know that there are dudes who are actually incensed at floosy chicks and not just amused. Sounds like he's serious about settling down. I dont find that too often. He's a keeper. lol
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