Deferring the Dream

I have joined the ranks of the fools who work full-time and go to school full-time...and I am totally overwhelmed. I couldn't handle trying to make $4 work--to get on the train, eat, etc. Week after week. Nor could I handle anymore calls from Charlie the Collector calling me to tell me I was dangerously close to being 30 days behind on this, that, or the other.

The shit is hard. I can barely keep up. Although, my job knows that I am finishing my last semester of school, I have had significant travel duties--and feel like I have forgotten about school. I missed class two weeks in a row--the flu and then travel. But, I don't think it is because I cannot handle it. I think it is because I have finally managed to burn myself the hell out.

I have this self-destructive need to not only over-achieve but try to balance 8 plates, 2 cups, 1 martini glass; and a butcher knife, while riding the subway and balancing my damn check book. Last year, I managed to be in two case competitions, 4 classes, an internship, and a job search. Clearly, I have lost my mind.

And now I just want to go somewhere and sit the hell down. For real. I have finally reached the point at which no is not only easier to say but necessary. My fellow overachieving classmates don't get it. But I can't handle anymore. I'm going to crack. I need downtime. Perhaps, I should have listened when ole' Nanc told me to "just say no" years ago.