The 14 days -5 hours-and- 10-minutes Blues
I woke up on the funky side of the bed this morning, with a sinking feeling that something ill is getting ready to go down. In exactly 14 days give or take some hours (hence the title of the post) I will be 30. I have been looking forward to thirty since I was 28. I figured, since my plan to have my shit together by 25 went horribly awry, and I instead said hello to quarter-life crisis, that surely by 30 I would look back on my twenties, like "you poor, stupid, stupid child." Instead, today, thanks in part to the icky feeling and also to the fact that I am not nearly as close as I was hoping to be where I want at damn near thirty.
What is pushing that this morning? Well, how much time you got?
1) I expected to be in a position where I would have finally corrected my bad money mistakes I made in undergrad--trying to ball till I fall on Citi, Chase, Bloomie's. But alas, I am not. I have made progess--significant progress. But yet and still, it seems like everytime I can see the top of the hole, something comes along and says, "oh remember that dumb shit you did with your credit in 1998 and forgot about? Well, you gots to come up off some cash." Its frustrating and I know it takes time to correct--particularly when 911 had a profound effect on gainful employment for me, but still. I'm thirty, damnit and I want to be done.
2)Ooh! Let me tell you about my job. Many in my field say its great training to be on the equity side of housing finance. Its a unique skill and folks say that Equity people are thought to be smarter than debt people--even though it takes the same skill set. But then I tell them how much I make, and even those who have been housing finance look at me and say, "Damn, girl! They pay you what? You need to get a new job." The thing that frustrates me the most, is that I now have more skill and know-how then I did before I got to school and now make way less money then I did (particularly if one was to factor in inflation.) and I am treated like an over-paid senior admin. I am ready to roll...but alas I am still here.
3) I still have two roommates...one who is slightly off his rocker. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I live in NYC metro, why am I bitching? Well, lets see, having roommates is a pain in the ass. I play mother hen so its like having two grown children. And if you have been reading this blog, you know that I have had a total of 18 roommates (including folks just staying for awhile till they get their shit together) since I was 18. Can a sista get her own spot? Or what. The S.O says to stop my whining, since I am always at his place. But damn, it would be nice to go home every once in awhile and not deal with other peoples mess, attitude, late bill/rent payments.
My horoscope says great things about this month. And the good Lord continues to be great. I'll get over my blues. I just thought I would share.