Keeping Up with the Jonzee

Naw...you still at the right spot.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Jury? What Say You?

The Verdict. Unanimous. The Man Friend has passed the smell test from the most difficult to the easiest folks in my life. I took him home to the Cleve for my grandparents' 60th anniversary, and even the stern older AKA church ladies (who are like my Defensive line of grandmothers) gave that fool approval. And had the Reverend make an announcement in church on Sunday that I not only graduated with honors but that I had a new boyfriend they approved of.

And I am scared out of my mind. I know, I know, I know, I asked God for this and he has been preparing me. But...who knew a healthy relationship would be so much damn work. And who knew that you would know the man you want to spend the rest of your life with the moment you talked to him for more than 15 minutes. That is some scarey ass shit.

See, I think there is some residual scar tissue from other "love" battles that is taking some time to get rid of. My mom, this weekend, recognized it. And told me, to "be nice" to him. Because she knows the biggest scar and the way I protect, is to try to push you until you leave. Funny, someone I used to love did that to me for years, and I was unwilling to go. So now, why would I turn around and do the same? Who knows?

I am working on not being afraid of him...but he really is everything in the notebook.And it freaks me out everytime I ask Him for something. I work on it. He sends me challenges and opportunities to prepare me for it and then it happens. Maybe it is the amazement of how He works that scares me and not the relationship. More than likely it is both.

The Teacher was simply a fine-ass sports car mirage. But this brother is a good-looking sturdy German Automobile with my best in mind at all times, with no fear of checking me sometimes and letting me have my way others (I am spoiled--clearly)He not only believes in God, but has a clear relationship with Him. And he makes this high-octane, over-overachiever stop and smell the roses.

I need to stop being so over analytical about where this is going and enjoy the ride. I am working on it. I really am. I am working on being nice. I am working on expressing myself in a healthy way. And I am working on not being scared of a good man who is willing to work on it with me.

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