Keeping Up with the Jonzee

Naw...you still at the right spot.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Breaking up is easy to do

Man. I sometimes I think don't want no stinking boyfriend. For real. To keep a good relationship thriving feels like too much work sometimes. I've been in a relationship for 6 months now. Now that the novelty of having someone to cuddle with, and take to various and a sundry family and friend events has worn off, I'm starting to mourn the life I had mastered. The single life. I am not a commitment type. Though I have purported through out my four years of not having an official-type boyfriend, and two years of self-inflicted no-nookie rules, that it would be so great to have a mate.

But there are moments when I think...Whatever.

I mean really. I know he is a great catch and if the chicks out there knew what I knew, I'd have to beat many a girls' ass (just jokes). My friends fawn over him. My mother acts like he's her new son. He's smart (well not as smart as me, LOL), but smart nevertheless. He's cute. He puts it down in the... anyway. He's gainfully employed and his color and gender will put to bed the familial rumors that I am a) a lesbian b) gonna be with a white man (which is funny, because other than a few sexual mishaps, I have never dated a white dude) He's also pretty thoughtful, communicates well, and really wants to make me happy. And is willing to move if some fabulous opportunity happens to pop up for me. And for all I can tell, he loves me a great deal.

But he's still a royal pain in my ass sometimes. He's stubborn as hell--sometimes to his detriment. Refuses to make any effort to dress like a grown-man and not a perpetual college frat boy and will barely admit that the clothes I bought garnered lots of compliments. He's A real man's man--which means when I try to describe how I feel sometimes he looks at me like I am a) crazy b) some silly emotional chick. Also, I'm not sure he has any clue how to be romantic--unless it was shown on SportsCenter or some other iteration of ESPN programming.

Sometimes it feels like it would be so easy to break up. I was pretty good at being single. I know how to flirt (well I had to relearn it last year--but I digress), I think I can get a date, and living in NYC has helped me get my sense of style back so that I can look good while getting said date. I don't have to be responsible to anyone but me. And NYC is full of fine ass men--from across the globe. Who needs one? When one could date many, right?

Sheeeeiiit, breaking up would help avoid all the bullshit that in the past has been bound to go down. I been a playa (well not so much the last couple years--but I still got my card) for a minute. I know how it works.

Breaking up could be soooo easy. So why is my fool ass trying to do the hard thing. I can do the single thing in my sleep. This requires something I am not used to particularly if it is going to remain as good as it has been. Not breaking up is hard. I have to work on being communicative, and a liiiiittttlllle less difficult and demanding. I'm working on being giving. But some days I don't want to. I want to take the easy way out.

But alas, the easy shit, if I rememeber correctly, just isn't as fun.

3 Comments:

  • At 7:36 PM, Blogger soumynona said…

    I enjoyed my visit, and believe me it a breath of fresh air when I visit a blog hosted by an intelligent person. ps Don't be so hard on ol boy, but keep that card with you too =>

     
  • At 12:46 PM, Anonymous Amber said…

    Congratulations, sounds like you have a REAL relationship - full of contradictions. Just so you know, being a playa isn't as easy and blissful as you remember. Being in a relationship that pushes you to be a better person is a good thing, though not terribly comfortable.

    Stumbled across this quote the other day "Do one thing every day that scares you." by Eleanor Roosevelt.

     
  • At 8:08 AM, Blogger Akilah said…

    Sounds like you are dealing with the challenge of growing up and having a grown up relationship. You weren't that happy as a single chick and yes, anything worth while, is worth the work. Nothing is perfect, relationships (ANY relationship) are NOT easy, this is life. And while I understand I am not much older than you, I can say, having been single, dating, and married for 6 years (with him for 8) WITH child, that what you are going thorugh is perfectly normal... that being said, get over it. And welcome to adulthood (NOT young adulthood). Love ya mama!

     

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