Keeping Up with the Jonzee

Naw...you still at the right spot.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Done Deal

Last night I got shot at. Well, not exactly at...but two drunk 'ignant muufuccas were drunk in the street, carrying on, as I was on the passenger side of my car. (Getting another square--'cause I am stressed and turning into chain smoking Joan Crawford--minus the wire hangers and shit.) And one idiot decided to shoot at the other idiot. I dropped down on the ground and crawled up my stoop so fast, I don't even know how I did it.

Shook up? To say the least. Clearly, I didn't sleep well.

The foolishness exacerbated my normal Monday morning blues. Same shit times 10. Dreading the 40 minute commute. Feeling lonely as hell. Sitting in the 10 AM team meeting thinking about how I so am not interested in how much fee (i.e. how much bonus my boss is going to earn) the deals in the pipeline might garner--and I am so not in the right job long term. Longing for a hug and kiss on the forehead, and a "baby, its going to be alright." in whispered in a deep tenor in my ear.

Its time for me to go home. And home is where Big Baby is.

The latest epiphany.

Pride is what got me here in the first place. Do I think moving was a mistake--not necessarily--but long term it won't work. The Big Baby encouraged me to move because he wants me to have what I want. He didn't want me to feel like I was sacrificing for him. When folks were asking me "what about Big Baby?". I looked at them like "What about him?" and dismissed it. And so I went--because I have been doing me so long it never really occurred to me to think about it any other way. Partially, because I got something to prove about not giving up a career for a man (mama baggage). Partially, cause the dollars were shining and outweighed other things. And largly because I was afraid to take the risk of staying.

Now its time for me to take a risk. A big one. In January, I'm leaving. I figure I really have nothing to lose. Bmore is cool. The house is very cool. But...

My personal happiness is finally starting to outweigh my need to over-achieve.

In the end, everything always works out for the best anyhoo. And I know that from plenty of experience.

3 Comments:

  • At 4:00 PM, Blogger La said…

    Sometimes you have to jump out the window for crazy.

     
  • At 4:56 PM, Blogger So...Wise...Sista said…

    *sigh*
    And also... :)

     
  • At 2:24 AM, Anonymous Nikki said…

    hey now - it's Nikki. so glad you are safe dammit!!!

     

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